Whatever

Brave or Brutal?

2011-01-16T07:22:00.006-07:00

What is bravery? Is chasing a pugnacious bull as a sport (Jallikattu) and while doing so getting tossed over by the bull's horns an act of bravery? Even if it is considered so, it seems a rather uncivilized and brutish way to display bravery. How is hanging from a running bull's hump any safer than hanging from a crowded bus? While the government recommends against the latter, shouldn't the former be banned? I can at least think of better excuses for hanging from a bus. What is really annoying is the fact that every year this brutal sport has witnessed loss of life but nothing really has even been initiated to put an end to this? It is such an integral part of our so called barbaric 'culture' now, so much so that it seems so hard to live without seeing somebody get killed every year in the sport. Now what do you want to call this? Bravery or brutality? Brutal in my words and brave in expressing them here I blog.

Karma bites

2010-06-22T00:02:00.003-06:00

I have been watching "My name is Earl". Its about how a man realizes how it is time to fix the bad things he had done in his life and how doing good things would make him feel better and make his life better too - maybe instant karma. I might not be a big believer but the way the show is put is very interesting. If I had to list out the things I would want to fix or make up for, I don't think it would be a very long one, but there sure will be at the least a few apologies to make. Is life that difficult to live? Is it not possible to live a life without hurting, disappointing, disturbing or affecting other people's life or emotions? It does seem like it is easier said.

But going back, does karma really exist? Is the concept of karma, religion, god etc. something our forefathers introduced to keep people in some kind of fear so that they don't go on a wreckage or demolition and harm fellow human beings? Or is it something somebody realized through salvation and tried to spread the word? I guess these are questions that are highly arguable and have and will not be comprehensively and convincingly answered and exist based on belief but at the same time can't be written off either. However, karma does seem an interesting concept and has in recent times been running in my head. Does that mean I am starting to believe in it? The answer to that question is as difficult as answering if karma itself exists and for that matter even god.

I believe I heard while changing channels, somebody claim their god to be the greatest on earth. For some reason this statement didn't sit very well with me. From the way I comprehended it, it seemed to not tally with the number of gods I supposed there were. Was god specific to earth? I thought the universe and more was his. Why would he just be supreme on earth? Shouldn't he be claimed to be the most supreme...? Questioning beliefs and agnostic (& antagonist :) ) as ever, here I blog.

Burn Notice

2010-02-23T23:58:00.004-07:00

My mom keeps telling me about a saying in Tamil. The literal meaning translates to "if you are told you will get burnt, you shouldn't touch it". The essence of course is that you should learn from the experience of others rather than expecting to learn things the tough way. I used to argue with her saying it is never possible to truly learn without a blister or two.

I should say I have learnt it the hard way. Well, I guess I have had a bit too much of the touch of fire. It has indeed burnt me bad on the inside and the outside like I never thought it would. As much as I could I tried to avoid infection and pain, did the right thing in choosing not to blog. :) Though I have been told I am a quick healer, it has been many months since. The pain might have eased now but the scars still remain. I wonder if the pain has really gone or has it just made me tougher, prepared or maybe just numb.

Well this is just a burn notice. Maybe a warning spelt out. Brightened and lightened up, here I blog.

Been there. Done that.

2009-04-20T23:10:00.003-06:00

A lot of things I am seeing around me reminds me of the past. It is not really a deja vu since I am not involved in it. It is amazing how much things can change in life and more amazingly how much people can. In a blink of an eye, things could just turn 180 and at times even come back to bite you. People you might least expect to, could break your trust and maybe even improvize on their lying skills. I guess it probably therefore justifies not believing anybody. You never know what will come out of where. Emotions could turn one to become vicious, aggressive and obnoxious and even at times can convince one into believing that sneaking and peeking is the right thing to do. From what I know, there is no easy way to learn or correct your mistakes when it comes to emotions. You will always have to learn it the hard way and hurt yourself in the process. What is funny is, some try to escape the eye but unfortunately they aren't even close to being invisible and just end up making a fool out of themselves caught with mud on their face. When someone does such acts of stupidity, isn't it natural to let your imagination wander and picture things probably even worse than what actually happened? I would typically get super suspicious majorly because when I sneaked around the last time, I knew what I did. The enjoyment and fun I had sometimes blinded me and tricked me into believing that I was doing the right thing at that moment. What is important is you should learn from your past and things you did and try not to repeat your mistakes. I have tried so far to do so the best way I can. I have been there and done all that and can easily call bluffs with my eyes closed and to an extent even predict what is coming next. Having somewhat learnt from my past and wishing everybody does too from their's, here I blog.

Taste of my own medicine

2009-01-09T01:35:00.003-07:00

Ever felt totally defeated and humiliated? Had a time when your ego was shattered into pieces that it would take a long time before it would heal and stick together? I bet nobody would enjoy that feeling. But life doesn't spare anybody. It gives everybody what they deserve. I have never been the hunter and have always been the hunted. I have been chased but never liked chasing. I have enjoyed it and felt it was fun. Just once I try to swap roles and I end up hurting myself really bad. What goes around does come around. I always feared it would though my friends tried convincing me it won't. There have been times when I have ignored people, avoided conversations and not ackowledged the presence of some. I realize how much that must have hurt and sometimes how wrong it was though I always felt I was right. It is indeed true that you don't realize what you are doing is wrong when you do it. I should have been prepared for getting back what I had always given to others. I am sure with time I shall heal and recuperate though I shall always remember this pain. And it is very clear that I have tried to make this post unclear. If you don't know what I am talking about, never mind asking. If you do, pretend you never read this. Trying to swallow this bitter pill, and getting a taste of my own medicine, here I blog.

Terror strikes

2008-12-02T00:19:00.004-07:00

This is a time when every patriotic Indian is angry. They have just seen India go through one of the worst attacks in history of terrorism in India. I am talking about the recent attacks by terrorists on Nov 26 across Mumbai which is referred to as India's 9/11. Was I surprised when I heard Mumbai, the financial capital of India was attacked? Not at all. What has made this attack grab so much media coverage and international attention? After all they hadn't even succeeded in killing as many lives as they did in their previous attacks. It is the nature of the attack and the society of people targeted which has made this attack gain so much hype. The captured hostages seem to have been sorted based on their nationality and tortured before they were killed. One possible reason for this was to ensure India's foreign relations with the nations of these hostages got spoiled. Also, what had all these times been hidden cowardly bomb implant attacks often targeting the middle class had changed to a hostage/human carnage situation attacking the elite society. I don't believe there was any attempt to save the hostages. Rather, the police and the commandos wanted to just put an end to this horrifying situation in the hotels that the terrorists took control over and not let them out and allow them to cause more damage. This was in contrary to the plans of the terrorists who wanted to escape the hotels after causing as much damage as they could using the hostages. I am made to believe this is one of the reasons it has gained more attention than what the terrorists would have expected. However, this operation took a grueling 60 hours before all things came to an end.

We should salute the heroes who sacrificed their lives and entered those hotel rooms knowing they might not be alive the very next second. Those brave hearts also come from families such as us and I feel deep regret for their losses. I wonder how it would be to literally embrace death. All we do for them would be to give them some media attention and forget them in sometime. I wonder if the governments really care enough to financially support their families and fund their children's education. But what has bothered me a lot recently is the resignations of ministers. I find this ridiculous. Our leaders show readiness to chicken out of situations. I do agree there is a lot of pressure from all sides. But, isn't it their responsibility to take care of the situation and bring things totally under control? They could resign after doing this. We wouldn't really mind then, would we? What this suggests to me is that they had no plans and control of anything related to the situation and their resignations wouldn't affect things either, so they might as well.

The Indian government claims that it has sufficient evidence to prove that our most notorious neighbor, Pakistan's LeT has been involved in this. Also that is what Ajmal Qasab, the lone 21 year old terrorist to have been caught alive after the attacks has hinted. I also saw a Pakistani media footage on the internet suggesting this was a well orchestrated drama that was carried out by the Indian government. After being captured, Ajmal said he didn't want to die. Its very sad and might even sound totally ridiculous that even at this juncture, I feel sorry for him. He is just a pawn who has moved according the commands of his king, whoever that was. This blame game will go on for a while and only time can give us the answers to lots of questions unanswered at this point of time.

People are really pumped up and emotions are running high. They want something to be done but can't really say what that should be. This reminds me of 9/11. They want the politicians to take moral responsibility which is fair enough and expecting them to take financial responsibility as some do sounds too funny to me. Some feel there should be stricter security arrangements which should stop such infilterations. I feel that would stop terrorism, but just for now. Why are we trying to just make sure we are not affected by more diseases? Why are we not finding a cure for the original disease? Maybe it is a bad analogy, but my point is we should be addressing the original issue itself and not try to prevent more of such attacks which would just make these terrorist organizations go passive for now. I do realise it is easier said than done and it is a 60 year old problem politicians have battled with their brains. According to me only that can bring a final solution to this problem though I wouldn't have a clue as to what that should be.

It is important to show the unity and solidarity amongst people during such tough times our nation goes through. However, already not being in our homeland and showing our solidarity from outside from a place like Bozeman might hardly make any difference. After we indeed show our solidarity, arguing over the colour of clothing that needs to be worn to represent this solidarity and in the end wearing different colours during the occasion just seems to be funnily enough violating the whole concept and definiton of solidarity and it is matter of shame. However, the spirits of the younger generation cannot go unnoticed and their innovative ideas would definitely mature in future and influence some of the most important decisions the country would have to make. I hope they remain this patritoic at all times and not just during such hard times and this spirit lives within them forever. Proud of being part of this young generation, proud of being an Indian, proud of all our Indian martyrs, here I blog.

Snapped and broke

2008-11-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

Ever since my parents came to Bozeman and are living with me, I have had quite a few personality clashes. I didn't ever understand what it meant until I experienced it. These were probably a consequence of the independent lifestyle I had begun to live. However, I never ever wanted to hurt my mom in any possible way but I do realize it has happened. There have been several arguments and fights in the past but today was indeed different. After I snapped out at my mom after an argument, I was left feeling disgusted with myself for the following couple of hours. I left my home briefly and came back in a while. Sitting on my bed, I called my mom and made her sit on my bed and lied on her lap. Not a word was uttered for the following couple of minutes. All I knew was tears were rolling down my cheeks and I ended crying for a couple of minutes and so was my mom. It was an emotional outburst ofcourse which was uncharacteristic of me and something I never thought I would do. The last time I remember crying was almost 4 years back when a friend of mine died in an accident. My heart now feels lighter and my throat doesn't choke now. Minutes after this happened, here I blog.

My ebay experience

2008-11-13T00:40:00.000-07:00

After tons of complaining from friends about my phone's poor mike and sound quality, I finally gave in and decided to change my phone. I went to the verizon store to check out a few phones I was interested in. I just thought it would be really cool to have a wifi phone which could track my calendar events too. The Audiovox phones caught my eye. Though a bit bulky, I still liked it. Since my phone was an added line to a family plan and it was a free phone which was still in contract, I knew I would have to spend a lot of money from my pocket for such a phone. The requirements I put for the phone I wanted didn't help the price much either. I learnt that without a new contract I would have to spend close to $550 for the latest Audiovox phone. Knowing it was way too expensive and out of what I planned, disappointed and disheartened I returned home to search online and compare the prices. My search did lead me to ebay where I could find all kinds of phones - used, new, barely used, dented etc. I do have friends who have had bad experiences with ebay dealers and especially with phones. I knew I had to be really careful buying a phone from a dealer and I had to do some research on the dealer and his rating before actually buying. However, when I decided I wanted only a new phone, I had only limited my choices even more. The price I saw was truly astounding. It was for $165 only. I felt this was relatively very cheap and quickly went through the reviews for the dealer. There were a few complains too about the condition of the phones the customers received and a 98.9% positive feedback was what I was looking at. Also I learnt they would take back or exchange the defective pieces that were returned within a week. That I thought was excellent. Allured by the phone and its price I purchased it. I was in for more surprises.

I recieved the phone in a couple of days through priority mail. I tried putting on the battery and it was working fine though the phone was draining battery and it ultimately switched off. This is where the problems started. I started charging and when I tried starting it, the screen started to flicker. I took it to a nearby verizon store to see if it was a problem with the charger or with the phone though I knew against my hopes that it was the phone which had the problem. The verizon store guys let me know that this was something very common with ebay sellers. It did send a chill down my spine. Well, I had no option but to contact the dealer and ask him to replace the defective phone. They asked me to send it back through priority mail again and they sent me another phone in a couple of days. This phone did not seem to have any problem atleast that was obvious to the eye. It charged fine. I infact drained the battery completely to test if it behaved like the defective one and if they really replaced it. It didn't have that problem. However, I tried to activate the phone online at the verizon site. For some reason, it didn't let me do so. So, I again went to the verizon store and asked them what the problem was this time. They told me the ESN number on the back of the phone was different from the actual ESN number which could be found somewhere in the phone settings. They helped me with the activation though not completely. They told me it would be complete in a few minutes. I came back home only to know it wasn't. I called the customer care this time and talked to a quite intelligent guy from tech support. He tried to help me with the activation for an hour before he admitted that had no clue why it wasn't working. While he was trying to learn more about the phone and placed me on hold, I tried exploring and playing with the settings of the phone and got it to work. After some knowledge transfer to the tech support guy I hung up. The phone seemed to and seems to work fine. It is almost like using a windows laptop and no wonder they call it a pocket PC.

At the end of the deal I ended up pretty confused. Would I recommend somebody to buy from ebay or would I not? Its a tough question to answer. It did put me through some hassle but it works now and it is really cheap. Call me cynical, but I sometimes still wonder when the phone is going to stop working. Afterall everything seems to have a reason and something should explain its low cost. Don't you think? Anyways, I am happy with the phone for now. They even gave me the shipping expenses. I would recommend people to do their research before buying anything from ebay. Afterall a little bit of homework wouldn't hurt. Happy with the phone and the ebay experience, here I blog.

Change in tune...

2008-10-18T14:57:00.001-06:00

Is it just me or is it true that ARR's style of music has changed recently? I have been listening to his albums that were released over the last year and I have a feeling the songs have a style which were similar to the ones he introduced in the late 90's. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying the tunes are repetitive or old fashioned. As refreshingly new as they are, they have the classy touch of the late 90's. I truly believe he is one of the geniuses in the music industry and a true legend. India can indeed be proud of seeing such little geniuses in Sachin Tendulkar and A R Rahman who have shown the world their brilliance. Something atleast I am very proud of. This comes at a time when Sachin has just crossed 12000 runs and as soon as he did so the match had to be delayed because of the close to 10 minute long loud firework display. A stunning scene which the members of the dressing room witnessed with jaws hanging. These two men defintiely deserve all praise. Praising them and delighted by the entertainment they have provided us over almost the last two decades, here I blog.

Remember the feeling?

2008-08-07T09:57:00.000-06:00

Do you remember the wierd feeling that you experience before you know that school starts in a week or so and you have to get prepared for the inevitable? The feeling you get when you are approaching a deadline and time just seems to pass faster than ever and a kind of fear shows up without a valid reason. The times when you know you have to do something that you can't avoid but wish it didn't really happen. I am going through all these and I am pretty much freaking out. I never thought I would feel like this after school or college but you just can't run away from emotions and feelings. But I truly wish I did not have to feel like this. As I feel and fear, here I blog.

Cricket - The Winner

2008-06-24T12:53:00.000-06:00

What could be a better time to blog a bit about cricket? I have been thinking of blogging about cricket for quite sometime and some of the greats who have influenced and left an impact on me. My favorite batsman is the greatest batsman cricket has seen so far – Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar (who needs no introduction or praise). But the cricketer I respect most is Adam Gilchrist. It is not just for his batting and keeping skills I admire him. It is for his honesty and the way he walks. As many know already this great batsman will just walk off the field even if the umpire doesn’t give his decision in the favor of the batsman when he knows he nicked a ball and he is out. A few more batsmen have started walking nowadays but to do something like that in any kind of situation and being the first to start to walk even though it was against the liking of many other team players is simply spectacular and needs some nerves. This according to me shows how much Gilly loves and has passion mixed with respect for cricket. Why am I even inspired to write about cricket now? That is because we just returned back from Salt Lake City after a three match tour. Yeah, it can be called the Montana’s tour of Utah. The idea of driving to Salt Lake City for three matches with a team in Salt Lake City seemed ridiculous. I was wondering if it was worth the effort, time and money that we were about to spend. I wasn’t even sure if the Salt Lake City team was serious enough. After we reached we had a three hour sleep, we were pretty impressive to show up for our first match at the ground at 9:00 am. Unfortunately the ground wasn’t booked for Saturday and there was some soccer practice. It was very disappointing when we learned the other team did not even bother to book the ground. We then learnt the earliest we could start was at 2:00 pm. We decided to have a nice lunch and enjoy our trip anyways. We went to an Indian restaurant and I being well known for my appetite just kept up to the expectations. Needless to say it just got worse because it was a buffet lunch. I ate so much that I found it very hard to move around and felt I would feel better if I had puked. I felt like a python which is known not to move very fast after a heavy meal and sometimes even pukes if it can’t take in what it swallowed. Fielding after such a lunch just made things worse. I couldn’t move as freely as I wanted to. They batted decently and scored 120 odd. We weren’t very sure if we should have fielded or batted as these were new conditions. But, we got pretty close in our chase and scored close enough to lose by just eight runs. Did I forget to mention that we played this match on June 21 which is technically the longest day of the year? The mercury leaped to 98 F (36 C). Reminded us of the days we played under the blazing sun in India. I considered it a decent chase. We however did not feel extremely disappointed by this defeat because we all knew it would be difficult and would need a game to know how to play in a new ground. We took the positives out of it and realized how good a fight we put and what changes could make things better. We had a nice dinner at a dhaba and caught up on some sleep we were missing. The next day was a nice less hot day. It touched 90 F (32 C). Without a toss it was decided that we would bat first. It was a nice gesture because they wanted us to bat this time and they wanted to try chasing. We got off to a good start and the batsmen did well to keep the momentum decently good and score 130 odd. The home team did not probably expect such a score and when they lost some early wickets while chasing it made things no easier. They managed well to get over 100 and eventually lost the match. The third match was crucial with both teams having bagged a win each, which we planned to start at around 4:30 pm at which time it was still hot and sunny. With lessons learnt from the past about fielding in the heat, we wanted to bat first. Unfortunately, we tossed the coin this time and lost the toss and had to field. Having not eaten as much as during our previous post lunch match, the bowling and the fielding was impressive. This match started off with the home team losing some early wickets but not without some spectacular bowling and fielding. Some unbelievable catches were taken. Unbelievable I say, because I pulled one in the slip region. I am happy I was in a nice position and got to the ball as fast as I did. I was easily the best thing I did in the day. In spite of losing wickets regularly they managed to score over 100 which were easily defendable. They showed us how it could be. We got to not miserable start. When I had to bat I needed to stay in the crease and get the chase back on course. I still wonder why I played for a cheeky single of my first ball to only get caught of a spectacular catch again. It was great cricket all around. The lower middle order played what I have to call a responsible and memorable innings to restore the team from difficult times and even made sure to keep the required runs below the remaining balls. There were a few nails waiting to be bitten. It was a pretty nervous chase finishing in the final over. I was relieved and very happy because I didn’t have to feel guilty about messing the chase and losing the match. This was followed by some photos being taken with the home team and of course some winning moments were celebrated. We rather accidentally had dinner with a few members of the home team when we went out to eat.
We captured a few more memories to remember. Looking back I feel it was a success trip which we won 2-1 and saved some pride too. Had we lost, I wonder how people could have ridiculed us for spending time, money and we would have been a subject of fun. Though people who ridicule will ridicule, it was still nice to win and stay respectable. Also I shouldn’t forget to mention that some of the members in the home team played amazingly well and I admired them for their honesty and the spirit in which they played the game. Just reminds me that cricket is a gentlemen’s game. I am again reminded of Gilly and what an influence he has had in inspiring youngsters to play in the right spirit. He has in fact brought in a noticeable change in my game. It doesn’t matter if you can’t play as well as him. I know I don’t bat like Gilly, but I walk like Gilly. And as long as I know I am out and I walk, here I shall blog.

A few good things...

2008-04-23T19:13:00.002-06:00

I finally found some time to write again. Did I get busy? Yeah, you can say that. Did I get so busy that I didn't have the time to post here? Not really. It is just that I have been procrastinating it all this time that I have ended up not having blogged for 4 months. And 4 months I never believed was a lot of time. That was because, I have always believed changes for good happen gradually and only over a considerably long period of time. But that might not be necessarily true. In these last 4 months, I completed my master's in Computer Science and graduated, got a job and bought a car. It is so amazing that all these could fit in a single sentence. Quite a lot of effort had to be put for these and some critical decisions also had to be taken. One thing of course led to another. I get a feeling this post is going to be a pretty long one, so, if you are already bored it might get even boring.

Starting with my master's completion, it has been a solid two and a half years. But retrospecting, it was a nice experience. When I completed my bachelor's I never was interested in pursuing my master's. Never was I truly interested in higher studies. For that matter, I wasn't interested in my bachelor's either. But, I should say I did a pretty decent job and completed my bachelor's with a highly decent grade about which I can be proud about. The decision to pursue my master's was not mine. It was one thing my dad wanted me to do. What else have I done for him? Almost nothing would be a fair answer. So, it now feels really good. I was living what has been unarguably the best phase of my life so far in Madras before I came to the US. I was so reluctant to come here leaving the things I enjoyed back home. My most favourite thing being spending time in the beach during the weekends with a few of my friends. Such small pleasures made and brought me great happiness. I truly hated Bozeman when I came here first. This was for more than one reason. I was missing a lot of things, Bozeman was too cold, I was longing to go back to India etc.. When studying added to this, it felt even more painful. But, after my first visit to India, I realized a few things. My friends back home with whom I used to loiter around Madras were not the same anymore. Everybody got jobs and were busy. They saw even the weekends as time to relax at home. Difficult it was for me to accept this change. But, I knew I had to live with it. However, I had still remained the same old me. I still hated any form of studying. Amazingly, I liked work. I enjoyed each of the internships I did. Being paid was an added motivation. Thinking of it, I have always loved challenges in any form. Though I may crib about things a thousand times, I will never give up and somewhere deep in my heart the passion to succeed will always live. I was reminded recently about how I used to crib about studies and how I wanted to discontinue my master's program. Having said that, I should also mention that I never screwed up my grades in a single semester. On the contrary, I have topped more number of courses than I would have ever imagined. I have at the end of my master's ended up with grades of which I could have only dreamt of at one point of time. My challenges were only doubled when my advisor started increasing his expectations. I am at least happy that I met his expectations. I ended up getting nervous a few hours before my oral exam. I was told there would have been something seriously wrong with me had I not gotten nervous before my oral exams. :)

As I was close to completing my master's, I had started looking for jobs. Even before my oral exams, I flew to SFO for an interview . I got a really good feeling about the interview and was absolutely convinced of getting a job. Unfortunately, I heard back from them and learnt that the position was scrapped because of the financial and economic situations in the company. I would have loved to work in CA but I guess for now I wasn't destined to. The hiring manager called me later and said he was disappointed he could not hire me and that I would have been a true asset had I been hired and I would definitely be considered if the position opens up again in future. 'Yeah, whatever' was my first reaction. But, he did not have to call me personally and explain things and praise me over the phone. I have known of other rejections where a mail is sent saying that the skill sets did not match and stuff. Though dejected, I thought about it later and found something to cheer about in it. And when things happened in RightNow technologies, it again happened in a flash. There was a telephonic interview which had happened a long time back. Until I felt like clearing my mailbox, it never occurred to me that I should call them back and know about the progress. And when I did, a personal interview was soon arranged. The interview went super cool and I was offered a job within the next few days. I just got one more reason to feel relaxed.

Even though my work place is pretty close to where I live now, it is almost impossible for me to walk a mile and half to work. And I for sure needed a car. People often are surprised how I managed without a car for almost 3 years *****************. Apparently I had and it was time now for me to buy one. Ideally I would have preferred to buy a used car and stay out of loans but once that idea changed and I decided to buy a new car, I took help from a few friends and it was just a matter of time before I decided on buying the Toyota Corolla 2009. Not knowing too much technical details about cars and settling for a fairly decent looking car with a good mileage and resale value can be attributed as some of the reasons for buying a Corolla. So far, my experience with my new car has been good.

Do these things mean I am stuck in ********* for a few more years. Maybe. Living in a place for 3 years does mean that you have learnt to live with the place and for all you know, you might start liking the place eventually. You might start to think that it is not that bad a place to live in. I have also started looking for an apartment to live in outside the campus. The sani dasa which started almost one and a half years back because of which I have made conscious efforts not to talk a lot and also keep myself away from trouble has finally started showing some good signs. Hoping for a few more good things to happen in the near future, here I blog.

Months = Months + 4; change = true; realise = false;

2007-12-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

A semester has passed since I had posted last. A lot of unforgettable things have happened during the course of these four months. Life has been a perfect mixture of emotions. It has been a blend of happiness, sadness, disappointments, pain. My learning process has not stopped though. The last course I took for Master's has taught me the basics about which I should have learnt during long back. I have learnt from people more than from books or classes. It is hard to digest that people can make certain very important decisions about their lives in a matter of few months. What a few months can do to one's life is really amazing. There used to be a time when I totally believed that a few months weren't very important and could hardly make an impact in someone's life. Seeing things before my eyes, I can't pretend not to acknowledge that anymore. How much have I changed in the past few months? Not much. And probably that is a reason I expect others not to change. I would have to admit that this was probably the least exciting semester I have had so far in the course of my study. When reality strikes, it strikes pretty hard. When life is not so much fun anymore I should probably do something different to revive my fun filled life and bring back the true smile that I seem to be losing. To many I don't seem the same. I really wonder why they feel so. I guess I lose my temper more easily nowadays. I sure can't see that myself. Enjoyment in life probably starts to dimnish with time. Not knowing what to do I am just going with time. If there are any changes in me that I am failing to notice it sure should be because of the recent happenings in my life. I probably should not try hard not to change. The change in me was probably what was supposed to happen to me naturally. Afterall change is permanent. Whether I change or not I am still searching for something that I have been feeling is missing. I wish I realise soon what it is. I wish life is blessed with fun and joy and is always interesting. I wish I smile back like usual. :( Trying to bring back my old smile which people miss now, here I blog..

Double Jeopardy in India...

2007-08-20T13:07:00.000-06:00

Double jeopardy is a procedural defense that forbids a defendant from being tried a second time for the same crime (Ref: wikipedia). I just learn this law holds good in India too. Something that seems to conflict with what I learnt in my Civics classes. I thought appeals could be made from District court to Supreme court for the same case. But seems like I have learnt it wrong or I have to learn something new. Sure will investigate a little more into it and as I do so, here I blog.

Do the crime… Do the time…

2007-08-20T12:58:00.000-06:00

I have lately been glued to my laptop watching videos from “YouTube”. Especially, the episodes of NBC’s “To catch a predator”. It did not long to understand what this program was about. It was about catching sex predators who would chat with underage teens, boys and girls who would chat and express their lure and lust. The teens who actually chat are undercover investigators. Basically they throw the bait and catch the fish and call them “The Predator” and in fact have them arrested. I feel this is a sick way in which the TV channel has people arrested for increasing their viewers rating, more because, the teens voluntarily involve and start chats with men who might not have even been interested and tempt them. That does not hide the fact that these chats are possible and adults having such an inappropriate conversation with teens below 18 years of age is a crime by law. A few of them include criminals, school teachers, marines, doctors and even married men etc. A lot of them don’t seem to even know that just having such chats or conversations count as a crime and they can be arrested for that. Also among the caught are predators of age 20 chatting with 16 year old girls, the age difference is not a lot. He is just out of his teens, after all how mature can you expect him to be. What is funny is it is not a crime if they were two years older (if the girl was 18 and the guy was 22). But, for those few moments of stupidity and unthoughtfulness he would go to jail for the next few years. Although, when I see people in their middle or older ages do this, I feel they should be dealt with severely.
Also I have recently seen a few sting operations to catch a car thief. They leave a car with keys in it and invite loiterers to be their prey. Surprisingly quite a few fall for this and get busted when they try to flee and are involved in a hot pursuit for a stolen vehicle. I had a different impression until a few days back about a stolen car pursuit. I didn’t think it involved the element of temptation. Other sting operations I have watched on TV involved police women dressed up like hookers and inviting strangers for prostitution. Is it ok to do this? Seems like it is, although in India the laws are different and people who induce the crime are more punishable rather than those involved in the crime. Something else that is interesting is that there are a few cases in which though the suspects don’t have complete concrete evidence that the suspects committed the crime, they are sent to jail because the jury thinks they should. And according to double jeopardy, the same case can’t be tried more than twice, which means that if criminals are tried twice and proven not guilty and even if they confess after that, they are still free. Quite different from what the Indian constitution states and also a well known concept about the Indian constitution is that a suspect need not be necessarily punished but an innocent person shouldn’t be punished for a crime he never did. Wherever be it, whatever be it, the bottom-line seems clear - To bring justice to light. Just the laws and approaches seem different. Caught and confused among these laws, here I blog.

Another wrinkle around my eyes….

2007-08-16T23:57:00.000-06:00

Pieces of a cake were all over my face. It was my birthday. Not that I didn’t expect this coming. In fact even if it was not my birthday I often see the cake coming onto my face. I don’t understand why, I am picked up often, maybe because I am too sober. I am dead sarcastic here. At times, people don’t understand my sarcasm and they really think I am serious about a few things I say. Maybe because I put such a serious expression, but I play along just to enjoy more fun. Might be a little mean, but that’s how I am. And guess what, I have completed another year like that as I just turned 24. Another birthday just came and went.
Birthdays for some reason have seemed depressing over the last four years to me. Don’t really know why. Maybe, its making me feel I am getting older faster than what I want to. During my childhood like most people did, I used to wait for my birthdays from a month before and get excited about it and have plans for it, plans which not a lot of people knew of. I have always been a silent operator. Looking over the last three birthdays, all of which were in the US, I understand I haven’t really enjoyed any of them. Thinking about it, I get a feeling I should accept life as it is and feel better with the fact that as I get older everybody in this world get older too. Looking at a few recent pictures, my friends state I have started to look mature. What is that? A euphemistic way of conveying I am getting older? After all I shouldn’t feel too bad about it; I make fun of other people about their age and stuff all the time. It has and had been so much fun and I guess it is my turn now to be made fun of. Reminded of a scene in FRIENDS where Joey who turned thirty looks up addressing god and screams, “God, why me? Why just to me?” Also reminded of the song “18 Till I die”.Having a few friends belonging to my age freaking married and already having kids does really make me feel I am not a kid. Maybe I just need a few more years to mentally accept a few things. Hiding behind the mask of juvenile behavior and reluctantly peeping into the reality of getting older, here I blog.

Sivaji - The Boss

2007-06-28T03:05:00.000-06:00

After so many release dates, the movie, Sivaji, the boss was finally released. I saw the movie a couple of days before in INOX (Chennai City Centre), probably the best theatre in Madras (now Chennai). The crowd seemed very disciplined and decent, it was the executive class. When the movie began and the super star hit the screen, there were thunderous roars and cheers from the audience. There were only executives before me. Their class was lost. Not to blame them, it was love for the super star which they couldn't hide.

The movie revolved around a story which was practically impossible. Rajinikanth seemed young for his age. Shankar, the director of the movie had apparently spent huge amounts on the make up. In the "Oru Kudai" song, he actually seemed fairer in complexion than Shreya which was hard to accept though I assume it was a deliberate attempt. Also there was a lot of what I considered unnecessary animation in the movie. Quite a characteristic of a Shankar movie. Shankar has as usual tried to educate the audience about a few laws and also about medical concepts in the movie. A CPR (Cardiopulmonary resuscitation) is considered effective only if it is performed within seven minutes after blood flow stopped. Many wouldn't have worried much about logic if they had considered this a purely Rajinikanth movie. Since it is a Shankar movie we expect him to maintain his standards. Shankar has yet again voiced his dissatisfaction over corruption. Not something new. He has been doing this over a long time. Looking back at his previous movies which have a similar concept, we have got quite a handful - Gentleman, Indian, Mudhalvan, Anniyan and now Sivaji. Shankar might have made up his mind not to stop making movies with this concept until corruption is purely out of India. In that case I can assure that we are going to see a lot more movies like this. This story didn't require Rajini in it. Could have done fine with Arjun instead. I would call it a purely director movie. Even while Rajini spoke the dialogues, it was clear he was speaking out on behalf of Shankar. Rajini has tried to dance again in this movie like he has been doing in the last few movies. I would say he has been doing a pretty decent job. Anyways, who cares and who do you think was in the theater expecting to see Rajinikanth dance? It was the punch dialogues and the style that the crowd had come for. They of course went home disappointed. Shankar is to be blamed. Shankar could have also handled and controlled the stunts better. Not to forget, he has done a good job in publicizing the movie.

Many did say it was not a Rajinikanth movie. It didn't have the ingredients required. I agree..
What is a Rajini movie without dialogues attacking politics? I felt the movie also lacked some style that we are used to seeing in his earlier movies.

Shreya looked perfect. She looked lovely throughtout the movie. Her acting was good too. Comedy was taken care by Vivek, Solomon Papaya and Raja. Gave a feeling of a debate. Surprisingly, Vivek was given a lot of importance in the story and accompanied the super star in a lot of scenes. Vivek also managed to steal a few punch dialogues from Rajinikanth.

The music was good too. "Sahana" song has been sung amazingly well by Udit and Chinmayi. Chinmayi has rocked back after a long time in Tamil. She however gave a few hit numbers in Guru. The picturization of the songs were good too.

The villain of the movie, Suman, has done a considerably good job. He has come on screen after a long time in Tamil movies. But the reality is that any experienced villain (maybe Prakash Raj) could have done a better job.

I have a strong feeling that this movie won't be as successful as what Chandramukhi was but still would cross a year mark.

These comments come from a die hard fan of Rajinikanth, disappointed by the movie for all the hype it had been given and also a bit angry on Shankar for giving stereotype and tiring movies.

What anybody would expect of a Rajinikanth movie is a movie (with/without a strong story) filled with punch dialogues, a few of them attacking politicians, a few stylish moves, stunts, music and dances which would be appropriate for the super star. And all this well directed by a director who can understand the expectations of millions of fans and mix with the super star and not thrust the story on him. Hoping such a movie is somewhere in the offing. Waiting for such a blockbuster, here I blog.

A much awaited marriage

2007-06-27T06:07:00.000-06:00

There I was watching intently standing right behing the seated couple while those three knots were tied around my sister's neck. Yes. A much awaited marriage was over. There had been a lot of struggle, prayers for this marriage to take place. Some might consider this a little early or a little late marriage. But, to me this was the right time. The struggles had a purpose. The reception which was the day before the marriage was a little too crowded and noisier than I expected it to be. I am fuming. I felt like I was in a furnace. I am not sure what better I could have done. I chose to wear a formal suit. What else can you expect? It was a summer night in Madras (now Chennai) and ofcourse I was drenched with my own sweat. But considering the recent unexpected showers which had helped reduce the heat a bit, the city got relatively cooler. Though it was a busy evening for me, I managed a few memorable moments with some friends. The short trip to a few temples in and around Kumbakonam the previous week did help in understanding each other's families though the actual purpose of the trip was to reduce tension that was caused because the horoscopes conflicted on some very important aspect. Well, that is past. The marriage is over now. Unlike a north Indian marriage or for that matter even a Brahmin marriage, this marriage was short. Not much formalities were involved. This was totally in a Chettiar style. Usually marriages freak me out. Its just an inner fear. I wonder what it takes and when someone should love or marry. Well, even if fate was to strike I am happy its far from now. :) Wishing the couple a happy married life and future, here i blog.

Getting stuff together....

2007-05-30T15:00:00.001-06:00

I guess there have been a lot of things I wanted to right about in my blog over a long time. A lot of incidents and experiences (good and bad). I have however managed to procrastinate until now. Well a few excuses I could give could be that I was busy working on my thesis programs or I was helping my sister create a web invitation for her marriage (this June end). Making new friends, getting closer, knowing about old friends, getting depressed a few times, missing a few. A lot of fun things have happened after getting back from India. Got to enjoy parties, go around Bozeman a few times etc.. In 2 weeks from now I shall be in India and soon after that would be my sister's wedding. My graduation plans just keep changing each and every day too. *******************************************. That will keep the summer a busy one. Should be a real challenge to work on my thesis simultaneously with the internship. Hoping things will go fine in CA. While I return back the fall semester would have in fact started and I would have to register for graduating etc.. Hoping not to be lazy anymore and hoping to keep in touch and post regularly. Hoping to keep out of any kind of trouble and hoping things go smooth from now on. Hoping not to lose the spirit and excitement I have always had in life so far (seems to have dipped right now) and till I have it in me, here I shall blog.

India Trip

2007-02-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

I guess this is one thing I wanted to write ever since I left US. I cannot believe it has been over two months now and I am again enrolled for courses in school and staring at programs for my thesis. One thing I am happy about is that I almost did everything I wanted to do and made sure I got things that I missed when I was here. Its never enough but still it was great. Though really busy with a lot of stuff at home I still managed to sneak out of home and had my own time to enjoy. I made sure I saw most of my "special" friends though I missed a few. The closeness with a few of my special friends is gone. It is not how it was. I guess that is how life goes. People change with time. They are not the same anymore. Maybe I have to change too or maybe just grow up. :) Apart from the apparent change in my body shape people said I hadn't changed much which for some reason I took as a compliment. Though everything went fine and I would call it a successful trip, I had an incomplete feeling. Gone are those days when I really enjoyed what I did. Whatever I did now I felt were things I forced onto myself. I didn't really enjoy it as much as I wanted to. I really hate myself for not knowing what I heading to. I don't know what I like or what I want to be. How long can I be like this? I don't know. Its probably just best to go with the flow without expecting anything. This probably is how I am destined to be. I should just live and enjoy every moment of my life which I shall always do. And until I really enjoy blogging, here I shall blog.

Virginia City and Butte

2006-10-22T14:53:00.000-06:00

With my thesis hardly having any progress but another week passing like always, I was excited as usual about the weekend. Weekends do really make me feel happy for some reason. But unlike the usual weekends, I wanted to do something much better than just watching a movie. A friend's call invite for Friday night's dinner to have Poori Chole at her home was probably the ideal beginning to the weekend. It couldn't have started better. All dressed up and prepared to have fun we first finished a rather early dinner. Renting a car and planning to goto Chico hotsprings was our initial plan. But it so seemed a little late to start for Chico as they close around midnight. Having rented the car before thinking where to go seems to always click well because we ultimately decide to go out somewhere not wanting the renting to go waste. After a few minutes of waiting for another friend to join and an hour of discussion, we decided to leave for Virginia City, Montana. Its supposed to be a haunted city. Sounded fun to me. Started around midnight, drove for two hours and reached the city. It was pitch dark with not a soul to be found on the road at 2:00 am. Our plans to find a motel thereby dimnished and some scared souls in our vehicle ordered us to get out of the city. We infact were driving around that place for half an hour before we chose to drive back in the direction we came until we found a motel. We did and I checked in first. Then showed some inborn Indian nature and allowed the other guys in the car to sneak in secretively(obviously illegal it was). We were five friends in a single room. After some fun in the night, we all went to bed. Checked out of the hotel the next day at 11:00 am. Started off to Virginia city and the scenic drive was great. We had no idea until then what we had missed the previous night when we drove into the haunted city. After some shopping, wandering and real fun at this place we started to Butte. Thanks to the American guys who knew the shortcuts and told us the way. This was another good drive. We randomly pulled over at a place where it had recently snowed and the snow was fresh to play with and so we did. After that short break of stoning each other with snow balls and capturing some memories on my camera we set off to Butte to complete our journey. We first drove around the city which was a little bigger and seemed more developed than Bozeman. We again decided to have an early dinner at a Chinese restaurant in the Mall and ended up listening to Indian music while eating. That was fun again. Now came the exciting part which was nothing other than me driving back to Bozeman. Exciting it was to me but scary for the others. A few mistakes to start off with freaked the guys with me. Just the ideal start..hehehe.
With some guidance and confidence from a friend navigating, I somehow came over my nervousness and drove till Bozeman and were in right time to return the rental vehicle. Oh!!! Did I forget to mention?? The rental vehicle was an SUV. Ain't that cool?? The short one day trip taught me more things than just driving in the interstate. It made me learn how wrong I could judge some person. Anyways, I should call the whole trip a successful and fun trip more because of the spontaneous and instinct based decisions that clicked really well for us. Obviously I was and am excited. Hoping again for the next weekend to come soon. Hoping the assignment and exam due this week will go fine. I shall as always hope for the best things and here I blog..

My bad????

2006-09-08T09:33:00.000-06:00

I sit back in my chair and type this from my lab classroom. I have just completed my TA and am sitting in an almost empty class now. Its not going to be long before the next lab students are going to storm into the lab. I just had a really rough day so far like one of my students did. It all went really well until she for some reason didn't save her lab exercise though she completed it. Students had to type in a Word document which said they would follow all the rules etc, sign it and turn it in before they left the lab. The student called me and asked me if it was ok for her to modify her friend's work and print it out and turn it in. The very first line of the assignment read "I shall not copy or share my assignments..." Apparently the student was mad at me for not letting her use somebody else's work. But I could understand her frustration as the document she had to type was pretty long. But was it my fault?? She didn't print it out or save it. Why was she mad at me and for what? For me being fair? Is this what I get for being so? Throughout the class I had to bear with her mean attitude,mumbling and bitching. Was this what I am supposed to get for trying to stick to the rules. This has clearly upset me but its time I get it out of my mind because life goes on this way and the students have started entering my lab classroom now. I have tried to be fair and just and here I blog..

My experiments with cooking

2006-08-15T00:59:00.000-06:00

Exactly one year before, I was left all by myself in Bozeman by my sister who had to move to California for her new job. It was two weeks after I arrived in the US when I decided to try my hand at cooking. Until then I knew nothing in cooking other than cooking Maggi, which according to me is not cooking at all. I can't forget the first 'Sambar' I made. My roomie refused to even taste it. I am afterall not that fussy about food as long as it is vegetarian unless I am at home. I didn't add what I had to add in the right proportions, which was why my 'Sambar' was neither in the colour I expected it to be, nor was even close to tasting like 'Sambar'. It was unlike the worst 'Sambar' I had ever had in my life, it was even worse. Perhaps, nobody can make it perfect the first time. I sat eating it all by myself and couldn't get rid of it until I tried hard for two days. I could have easily thrown it out, which is quite uncharacteristic of me with respect to food, and prepared it again, but I wasn't even sure if the next one I make would be better than my first. I now exactly understood what the proverb "A known devil is better than an unknown angel" meant. Time really flies. Its upto us whether we make the most out of it or not, definitely I haven't. Looking back at it now, I can't really believe it has been one year now. With the help of a few websites and a few experienced friends who know to cook, I have improved a lot and for some reason am now referred to as 'Sambar specialist' which apparently means that I know to cook nothing other than 'Sambar' or maybe that I am not the only person here who sucks at cooking. Quite some improvement and yet way to go. I now have the confidence that I can survive on and eat whatever I cook. As long as I survive on what I cook.. I shall and here I blog..

Workplace

2006-07-19T01:04:00.000-06:00

As I was sitting in my workplace without my laptop in the early morning of a hot summer day I was wondering how diverse people around us could be. What was I doing at workplace without my laptop and why would I day dream when I am supposed to be working? Well, I had just paid the price for being too curious and trying to may be act a little too smart and crack trial versions of softwares. I ended up with a laptop that would refuse to boot beyond a certain point and would just show me a blue screen decorated with an error thus needing immediate diagnosis and treatment. I guess I have always been interested in things I am never smart at. The time for which I would have to wait to get back my laptop was indeterminate, that meant I could keep goofing around as much as I wanted. I had already visited the coffee room twice and went around the building once. I missed my computer so much and felt as if I was retarded without it, atleast unable to browse the sites I usually would. When I was going on rounds I snatched an opportunity to get a glimpse of the styles in which people around me work. I can't help but mention about a guy who sits right across my room. Interestingly I have never seen him without some kind of junked food seated right next to him and that just explains his size. There is another guy who would have his eyeballs fixed at corner of his eyes, sitting with his back almost facing towards the open door but still noticing those who keep crossing his room and what they do when they do so. The guy to whom I have to report has the best nerdish looks and is probably almost of the same age as me. He deserves my special admiration because he is excited and inspired about his job and really enjoys doing it. I almost forgot to mention about those few who can be found in almost all organisations who keep mumbling and complaining about the company. Without these people the organisation would just fall apart. Though from different places and cultures, we still have a lot of things in common. It has taken me quite sometime to actually understand that people share common emotions and sentiments irrespective of where they may be from. I wonder if anybody would have found me, my style of working etc., interesting or may be weird and specified about me in their blogs. Whatever I might be to them, I am learning from each day at work from all the people around me what life is all about. ..and here I (learn to) blog..

Independence Day

2006-07-07T01:56:00.000-06:00

It was an unusually cold evening in the month of July when I was sitting in a local park in San Rafael gazing at the sky. A crowd had already gathered and almost completely covered every inch of the lawn before we could steal a few inches for our backs to rest. But, we showed who we are-Indians. We managed to squeeze ourselves in a blanket which spread over a small patch of grass. The park was still pulling in more crowd, a few of whom were carrying the American flags in their hands as a mark of their patriotism. It was the fouth of July-America's Independence day. Being one of the very few days when crackers were burst in America, it was absolutely amuzing for the Americans, no wonder the park was populated more rapidly a few minutes before the big event which was supposed to last for 10 minutes was to begin. As I took a look around, I noticed a lot of Indians, which was not that surprising because the bay area climate was easiest to get acclimatized to for the people from my soil. I kept receiving a few signs right from when I entered the park which made me feel that my patriotic feelings were going to be aroused. I felt the park was populated beyond its capacity, a thought that I should have never imagined of having walked in the Ranganathan street almost every weekend, yet one of my favourite places in Chennai. Afterall the park still had a lot of space according to Indian standards. A music started to play which also marked the beginning of the bursting of the crackers. Because of the hype that was created about the crackers and the event, I was more keen in looking out for crackers which I have never ever seen before. Much to my disappointment there wasn't many but one. As the sky began to sparkle I started wondering and afterall I wouldn't have been that surprised if I was told that the crackers came from Sivakasi. The one special cracker that grabbed my attention was indeed a fascinating one that left the ground with a gentle loud thud and ended up glittering the sky and which was fired into the sky like an array of bullets. It actually reminded me of the way Baghdad was bombed killing a lot of civilians, which not just according to me was a mistake on the part of US. There are a lot of discontented people here who feel it was unnecessary. The Americans actually are a peaceful lot. They live their own lives unaware of the external world, some of them don't even know about other states in US. The act of bombing was more an act of protecting themselves. They probably felt that offense was the best form of defense. I am not sure how many more bin Ladens they have created as a result. I am not complaining, this is the land that is giving me food, clothing and shelter for now and I am grateful for whatever I receive. Maybe, I am a little bit jealous of these people or maybe I am just admiring them. I have never ever seen so many people gather to celebrate the Indian Independence. Ironically, I have seen crowds of greater volume than this only in political party meetings in India. I truly admire the way all the Americans left the park after those 10 minutes wearing the look of pride and satisfaction. Honestly, I had never felt this patriotic when I was in India. It is absolutely true that the value of anything is realized only when it is deprived from you. Americans can't burst crackers as they wish and when they like, they have to get the permission from the state governor to even create the sound of an explosion, but look what you can do in India. I am waiting for the day when Indians start to celebrate Independence day like any other festival and realize the values of freedom and understand what they have... Though I don't see that happening in the near future, I shall await the moment and until then.. here i blog.

2006-07-04T15:19:00.001-06:00

Here I start writing my first ever post watching Germany play Italy in the semi final match of World cup 2006 as Germany missed a great opportunity to score in the second extra time. Not loving soccer or any other game as much as I do cricket, I am still wondering how to get started and what to write on. I wonder if anybody would even read or get anywhere close to reading my blogs. Before I even start to write, Italy rocked back scoring two goals within a minute and enter the finals. A moment to treasure as they deserved it and were playing great from the beginning. The decision to create and write my blog was nothing but for my own satisfaction. I am not really sure if my 'English' needs to be too good for this... but as long as it is understandable its ok. Whoever reads or replies doesn't really matter. I am not here to compete with anybody... whatever I scribble here is going to be my individual opinion about things and is not intended to hurt anybody if it does. A little bit of introduction about myself in my very first blog post seemed something appropriate to me, so here I go... Chennai based enthusiastic, adventure & fun loving, confused kid now goofing around in US on the pretext of ****************, but not really sure of what I want to become as I guess I am interested in doing too many things maybe at which I am not good enough. Looking back at my small past of 22 years I feel I have never been seriously involved in pursuing any profession.. not even programming in which I have worked for around 2 years. I believe you should love your work because thats what you will spend most of life doing. So I am just taking my own time to make what I consider the most important decision in my life. I admire those who have made their decision and have tasted early success, at least they know they are in the right direction. Ironically, most people work on something that is not realted to their education and others who don't like their jobs. I am not exactly worried about my future.. as there can be no reason why I should make a decision in haste and end up hating my job the rest of my life and grumbling each day before I leave to work. I am enjoying every minute of my life and thats my philosophy of life. I guess there is something called destiny and this was how my life was meant to be and it will have the final say. right now I sit back happy and here i blog...