Natrajan Thamizhmani

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Brave or Brutal?

What is bravery? Is chasing a pugnacious bull as a sport (Jallikattu) and while doing so getting tossed over by the bull's horns an act of bravery? Even if it is considered so, it seems a rather uncivilized and brutish way to display bravery. How is hanging from a running bull's hump any safer than hanging from a crowded bus? While the government recommends against the latter, shouldn't the former be banned? I can at least think of better excuses for hanging from a bus. What is really annoying is the fact that every year this brutal sport has witnessed loss of life but nothing really has even been initiated to put an end to this? It is such an integral part of our so called barbaric 'culture' now, so much so that it seems so hard to live without seeing somebody get killed every year in the sport. Now what do you want to call this? Bravery or brutality? Brutal in my words and brave in expressing them here I blog.


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Karma bites

I have been watching "My name is Earl". Its about how a man realizes how it is time to fix the bad things he had done in his life and how doing good things would make him feel better and make his life better too - maybe instant karma. I might not be a big believer but the way the show is put is very interesting. If I had to list out the things I would want to fix or make up for, I don't think it would be a very long one, but there sure will be at the least a few apologies to make. Is life that difficult to live? Is it not possible to live a life without hurting, disappointing, disturbing or affecting other people's life or emotions? It does seem like it is easier said.

But going back, does karma really exist? Is the concept of karma, religion, god etc. something our forefathers introduced to keep people in some kind of fear so that they don't go on a wreckage or demolition and harm fellow human beings? Or is it something somebody realized through salvation and tried to spread the word? I guess these are questions that are highly arguable and have and will not be comprehensively and convincingly answered and exist based on belief but at the same time can't be written off either. However, karma does seem an interesting concept and has in recent times been running in my head. Does that mean I am starting to believe in it? The answer to that question is as difficult as answering if karma itself exists and for that matter even god.

I believe I heard while changing channels, somebody claim their god to be the greatest on earth. For some reason this statement didn't sit very well with me. From the way I comprehended it, it seemed to not tally with the number of gods I supposed there were. Was god specific to earth? I thought the universe and more was his. Why would he just be supreme on earth? Shouldn't he be claimed to be the most supreme...? Questioning beliefs and agnostic (& antagonist :) ) as ever, here I blog.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Burn Notice

My mom keeps telling me about a saying in Tamil. The literal meaning translates to "if you are told you will get burnt, you shouldn't touch it". The essence of course is that you should learn from the experience of others rather than expecting to learn things the tough way. I used to argue with her saying it is never possible to truly learn without a blister or two.

I should say I have learnt it the hard way. Well, I guess I have had a bit too much of the touch of fire. It has indeed burnt me bad on the inside and the outside like I never thought it would. As much as I could I tried to avoid infection and pain, did the right thing in choosing not to blog. :) Though I have been told I am a quick healer, it has been many months since. The pain might have eased now but the scars still remain. I wonder if the pain has really gone or has it just made me tougher, prepared or maybe just numb.

Well this is just a burn notice. Maybe a warning spelt out. Brightened and lightened up, here I blog.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Been there. Done that.

A lot of things I am seeing around me reminds me of the past. It is not really a deja vu since I am not involved in it. It is amazing how much things can change in life and more amazingly how much people can. In a blink of an eye, things could just turn 180 and at times even come back to bite you. People you might least expect to, could break your trust and maybe even improvize on their lying skills. I guess it probably therefore justifies not believing anybody. You never know what will come out of where. Emotions could turn one to become vicious, aggressive and obnoxious and even at times can convince one into believing that sneaking and peeking is the right thing to do. From what I know, there is no easy way to learn or correct your mistakes when it comes to emotions. You will always have to learn it the hard way and hurt yourself in the process. What is funny is, some try to escape the eye but unfortunately they aren't even close to being invisible and just end up making a fool out of themselves caught with mud on their face. When someone does such acts of stupidity, isn't it natural to let your imagination wander and picture things probably even worse than what actually happened? I would typically get super suspicious majorly because when I sneaked around the last time, I knew what I did. The enjoyment and fun I had sometimes blinded me and tricked me into believing that I was doing the right thing at that moment. What is important is you should learn from your past and things you did and try not to repeat your mistakes. I have tried so far to do so the best way I can. I have been there and done all that and can easily call bluffs with my eyes closed and to an extent even predict what is coming next. Having somewhat learnt from my past and wishing everybody does too from their's, here I blog.


Friday, January 09, 2009

Taste of my own medicine

Ever felt totally defeated and humiliated? Had a time when your ego was shattered into pieces that it would take a long time before it would heal and stick together? I bet nobody would enjoy that feeling. But life doesn't spare anybody. It gives everybody what they deserve. I have never been the hunter and have always been the hunted. I have been chased but never liked chasing. I have enjoyed it and felt it was fun. Just once I try to swap roles and I end up hurting myself really bad. What goes around does come around. I always feared it would though my friends tried convincing me it won't. There have been times when I have ignored people, avoided conversations and not ackowledged the presence of some. I realize how much that must have hurt and sometimes how wrong it was though I always felt I was right. It is indeed true that you don't realize what you are doing is wrong when you do it. I should have been prepared for getting back what I had always given to others. I am sure with time I shall heal and recuperate though I shall always remember this pain. And it is very clear that I have tried to make this post unclear. If you don't know what I am talking about, never mind asking. If you do, pretend you never read this. Trying to swallow this bitter pill, and getting a taste of my own medicine, here I blog.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Terror strikes

This is a time when every patriotic Indian is angry. They have just seen India go through one of the worst attacks in history of terrorism in India. I am talking about the recent attacks by terrorists on Nov 26 across Mumbai which is referred to as India's 9/11. Was I surprised when I heard Mumbai, the financial capital of India was attacked? Not at all. What has made this attack grab so much media coverage and international attention? After all they hadn't even succeeded in killing as many lives as they did in their previous attacks. It is the nature of the attack and the society of people targeted which has made this attack gain so much hype. The captured hostages seem to have been sorted based on their nationality and tortured before they were killed. One possible reason for this was to ensure India's foreign relations with the nations of these hostages got spoiled. Also, what had all these times been hidden cowardly bomb implant attacks often targeting the middle class had changed to a hostage/human carnage situation attacking the elite society. I don't believe there was any attempt to save the hostages. Rather, the police and the commandos wanted to just put an end to this horrifying situation in the hotels that the terrorists took control over and not let them out and allow them to cause more damage. This was in contrary to the plans of the terrorists who wanted to escape the hotels after causing as much damage as they could using the hostages. I am made to believe this is one of the reasons it has gained more attention than what the terrorists would have expected. However, this operation took a grueling 60 hours before all things came to an end.

We should salute the heroes who sacrificed their lives and entered those hotel rooms knowing they might not be alive the very next second. Those brave hearts also come from families such as us and I feel deep regret for their losses. I wonder how it would be to literally embrace death. All we do for them would be to give them some media attention and forget them in sometime. I wonder if the governments really care enough to financially support their families and fund their children's education. But what has bothered me a lot recently is the resignations of ministers. I find this ridiculous. Our leaders show readiness to chicken out of situations. I do agree there is a lot of pressure from all sides. But, isn't it their responsibility to take care of the situation and bring things totally under control? They could resign after doing this. We wouldn't really mind then, would we? What this suggests to me is that they had no plans and control of anything related to the situation and their resignations wouldn't affect things either, so they might as well.

The Indian government claims that it has sufficient evidence to prove that our most notorious neighbor, Pakistan's LeT has been involved in this. Also that is what Ajmal Qasab, the lone 21 year old terrorist to have been caught alive after the attacks has hinted. I also saw a Pakistani media footage on the internet suggesting this was a well orchestrated drama that was carried out by the Indian government. After being captured, Ajmal said he didn't want to die. Its very sad and might even sound totally ridiculous that even at this juncture, I feel sorry for him. He is just a pawn who has moved according the commands of his king, whoever that was. This blame game will go on for a while and only time can give us the answers to lots of questions unanswered at this point of time. 

People are really pumped up and emotions are running high. They want something to be done but can't really say what that should be. This reminds me of 9/11. They want the politicians to take moral responsibility which is fair enough and expecting them to take financial responsibility as some do sounds too funny to me. Some feel there should be stricter security arrangements which should stop such infilterations. I feel that would stop terrorism, but just for now. Why are we trying to just make sure we are not affected by more diseases? Why are we not finding a cure for the original disease? Maybe it is a bad analogy, but my point is we should be addressing the original issue itself and not try to prevent more of such attacks which would just make these terrorist organizations go passive for now. I do realise it is easier said than done and it is a 60 year old problem politicians have battled with their brains. According to me only that can bring a final solution to this problem though I wouldn't have a clue as to what that should be. 

It is important to show the unity and solidarity amongst people during such tough times our nation goes through. However, already not being in our homeland and showing our solidarity from outside from a place like Bozeman might hardly make any difference. After we indeed show our solidarity, arguing over the colour of clothing that needs to be worn to represent this solidarity and in the end wearing different colours during the occasion just seems to be funnily enough violating the whole concept and definiton of solidarity and it is matter of shame. However, the spirits of the younger generation cannot go unnoticed and their innovative ideas would definitely mature in future and influence some of the most important decisions the country would have to make. I hope they remain this patritoic at all times and not just during such hard times and this spirit lives within them forever. Proud of being part of this young generation, proud of being an Indian, proud of all our Indian martyrs, here I blog.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Snapped and broke

Ever since my parents came to Bozeman and are living with me, I have had quite a few personality clashes. I didn't ever understand what it meant until I experienced it. These were probably a consequence of the independent lifestyle I had begun to live. However, I never ever wanted to hurt my mom in any possible way but I do realize it has happened. There have been several arguments and fights in the past but today was indeed different. After I snapped out at my mom after an argument, I was left feeling disgusted with myself for the following couple of hours. I left my home briefly and came back in a while. Sitting on my bed, I called my mom and made her sit on my bed and lied on her lap. Not a word was uttered for the following couple of minutes. All I knew was tears were rolling down my cheeks and I ended crying for a couple of minutes and so was my mom. It was an emotional outburst ofcourse which was uncharacteristic of me and something I never thought I would do. The last time I remember crying was almost 4 years back when a friend of mine died in an accident. My heart now feels lighter and my throat doesn't choke now. Minutes after this happened, here I blog.

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